► CAR's latest long-term test fleet arrival
► Editor, Ben, is at the wheel
► Hottest version of 4-series, controversial face
Ever had that thing when, perhaps in a busy bar in London (Matt Berry), queuing in the American embassy for a visa (Rosamund Pike) or, er, at the polo (Alexandra Roach), you see someone from TV or film and, for a moment, can't understand why they haven't recognised you too? After all, you have, in a weird abstraction of actual proximity, spent hours in their 'company'. You feel like you know them, despite never having met them. And if you're lucky you catch yourself before you say something toe-curling like, 'Hi! I loved you in Utopia...!' Oh God.
So it is with me and the new M4. I've studied press kits, interviewed the engineers involved at length (no doubt my inane cross-examinations felt endless to them), had its designers explain their work to me, and, crucially, been privy to European editor Georg Kacher's privileged access to the car in prototype guise. What I've gleaned I've clumsily melded with my first-hand experience of several key M cars (the F80 M3, the 2016 M4 GTS and the recent M5 CS) in an attempt to work out what the new car feels like, long before I've driven it. To say I'm looking forward to the first few actual miles would be an understatement.
Hopes and fears? I hope it's a significant step forward over the last F80 M3/F82 M4, an early example of which I ran for six months back in late 2014/early 2015. Its engine was weird – phenomenally grunty, but weird – and so too was its chassis, which boasted an unenviable combination of a front axle with which I struggled to build a rapport and a rear end I plain didn't trust. It's saying something when the 650S McLaren that followed was infinitely more biddable, more friendly and far more exploitable in wet weather than the considerably less powerful BMW...
The F80/F82 got better, of course, notably with the later Competition cars and the very together if zanily-priced CS version. But I hope the new car has something of the 493bhp GTS's sense of theatre, too, its hilarious straight-line fireworks and its intimate sense of connection with the rear axle. While the GTS never seemed to be able to summon anything resembling a respectable amount of traction, you were at least keyed into its constant rear-end fidgets and flares of wheelspin, the seat of your pants tuned into the drama that played out like the Fourth of July on the shift lights embedded in the M steering wheel's alcantara rim.
And the M5 CS? Realistically I know the M4 Competition can't feel anything like it, lacking that masterpiece's V8, driven front axle (at least 'my' M4 does; xDrive M4s are on the way) and the grade of componentry a £140k price tag opens up. But the CS is the last M car I drove, and if but a fraction of its magnificence can also be found in the new G82 then the next six months should be spent largely on cloud nine.
I'm also absolutely sure the new M4 can't feel anything like an E30 M3 either, because, well, how long have you got? But that won't stop me hoping for a little of that car's infectious playfulness.
And whatever happens between now and Christmas, I shall not go unnoticed. There's plenty to talk about on our G82 beyond its Sao Paulo Yellow paint, but most people can't get past it. It's a no-cost option, and looks magnificent against the dark menace of the £850 828 M double-spoke black wheels (19-inch front, 20-inch rear). You might reasonably expect the Visibility Pack with Laserlights (£1500) or the Technology Pack (which bundles together the self-explanatory Drive Recorder and Parking Assistant Plus with the may-save-your-skin, may-just-piss-you-off Driving Assistant Professional, for £1750) to be among the saltiest of this car's optional kit. But you'd be wrong. That's the £6750 M Carbon Pack, which artfully picks out some bits of exterior trim in the shiny black stuff but exists primarily to replace the standard front seats with two unequivocal statements of intent: M's carbon bucket seats.
A sense of occasion? Check. Lateral support like a race seat? Naturally. Weird unpadded carbonfibre protrusions that make it feel like you're cradling your mobile phone between your thighs? Inexplicably, yes. Worth nearly £3.5k? Let's see, but we can at least tell ourselves we optioned them for their weight saving of 9.6kg per seat...
Now the M4 Competition is here there are three pressing tasks. On paper the first is setting the thing up, given nearly every system, from the steering to the brakes, the HUD to the throttle response, is adjustable. But that can wait, as can the third job – working out just how far (spiritually and geographically) I can take it in these uncertain times and their mind-melting travel admin.
First, though, I just need to drive it. It's been a long wait.
By Ben Miller
Logbook: BMW M4 Competition
Price £73,130 (£87,745 as tested)
Performance 2979cc twin-turbo straight-six, 503bhp, 3.9sec 0-62mph, 155mph/180mph
Efficiency 28.5mpg (official), n/a mpg (tested), 229g/km CO2
Energy cost n/a p per mile
Miles this month 0
Total miles 4234